Sex Is The Drug To My Rock And Roll

Sex is phenomenal. 

The only thing better than sex is weight lifting.

I bet you’re all saying, ‘wow Ash! Great first come back post!’ 

If any of you have ever read the blog with Matthew and I throughout the last few months, you will always see that sex is something we both firmly believe is mandatory to health and well being.

Notice how I titled this post? 

I love Rock And Roll…
Typically people take drugs or drink alcohol to enhance sexual experiences in certain environments or to lower their inhibitions and enhance their openness to trying kinkier things than what they normally perform in the bedroom at home.
I do not do drugs. 
I don’t actually like being drunk at all during sex.
For me, it doesn’t lower my inhibitions, rather takes away my abilities to fully read another persons body language. 
I have the gift of reading people’s emotions and that also applies to when I’m about to sleep with them.
Go back to My blog post, Making Love Is Bullshit. Sex Is Just Sex. 

I still stand by what I said, however I should correct it slightly. 
Emotional connection is imperative if you’re planning on having sex with an ongoing partner, or a new one.
That ‘chemistry’  we all speak of on the first date.
I can tell you this.
I typically make up my mind within the first five minutes of meeting a person as to whether or not I want to sleep with them.
I understand not many people have that type of assertiveness towards sexual partners but let’s face it, we’re talking about me here.
If sex is not an active part of my life, then I cannot apply the other therapeutic outlets that I have properly.
DBT will be useless.

Seeing a clinician for regular counseling seems sequentially unappealing.
As those outlets are neglected, the negative personalities surface faster than before and with a fiery rage that seems to be almost imossible to damper and contain.

I’ve been slipping.

More and more I’ve been finding that when Matthew and I have gone days without sleeping together due to stress or our daughter slipping in and out of psychosis states up to half a dozen times a day, I tend to sabotage every God damn thing that brings happiness to my life with extreme prejudice.
I’m tired of it.

But when I’m able to have my release,

My escape through sexual pleasures,

I can conquer anything in the world after.

I always tell Matt before or after a self harm episode 
“Make me forget. Take me away from it all.”
Those are my words which only he understand immediately.

Ravage me.

Purge me of the poison which has been consuming my mind.

I do not lay any emotion into sex. 
As before I said, reference to Making Love Is Bull Shit. Sex Is Just Sex. I could never get Matt (or anyone else for that matter) to sleep with me if I’m bringing in each and every personality I possess.

Insecure Ashley would frighten men and women away.

There is nothing more unnatractive than a woman or man who is highly insecure.

We all have different bodies for a reason.

I am by no means a superficial person.

If a man or woman has a few extra lbs (let’s face it… Look at how Matt and I used to be) that does not automatically negate that I want nothing to do with them.
The connection is the key.
THAT, is the emotions I speak of which are ultimately the winning components to a highly pleasurable encounter.

After I have climaxed and all is said and done, I am typically in my Wise Mind for at least 3-4 hours.

I’d say that’s a fucking win.

It is my drug.
Just as fitness is as well.

If you’re like me, (not necessarily BPD) but someone who urnes for sexual release on a daily basis-

Do not let anyone tell you that you’re wrong for doing so.
Call it slut, red light special, or a man whore for you dudes out there….
If you’re practicing safe sex precautions and being respectful towards the partner(s) by laying out your expectations in the beginning, then who has the right to  undermine you as a human being when the core of what you’re doing is for pleasure and reaching a state of mind that enables peace?


People are far too uptight about sex and I just don’t have time or the breathe to waste on those who wish to thwart my enjoyment due to their lack of participation.

If you’re lacking sex in your life yet you crave to have the release, ask yourself this….

What is really stopping you?

Societies stigmas?

Or yourself?

Stay Classy.

Am I Too Much For People Or Just Some Overly Egostistical Asshole?

My brows are stuck again.


I swear the more I attempt to think this through, the more my brows furrow into frustration and my lips purse tighter than a deers butthole running across a busy interstate.
I know I’m loud.

I know I’m obnoxious at times…

I especially take ownership of my perverse and twisted mind. (It’s one of my most enduring qualities in my opinion.)

But because I am “mentally ill” and I am the wife of a strong and confident man, I feel as though people are either afraid to tell me how they really feel (in fear of hurting my feelings) or they don’t want to confront Matthew simply for the fact that they presume he will chew their ass out for attacking his wife.

Bear with me, there’s about to be copious amounts of word vomit.

My sexuality is the front runner of the show.

Hell yes I thrive on attention when I bring up anything about sex.

A person has every right to acknowledge that.

Call it an ‘Attention Whore‘ or ‘Fishing For Attention’

But that’s just it dude… 

It Is A Part Of Me.

I realize I may poke fun at things and offend other people’s spouses or significant others.

But just because I talk like “One Of The Guys”  does not imply that I want to sleep with anyone’s spouse/significant other. (most the time.)

I feel slightly condescending while typing this.. it was not my initial intention of this blog post.

However, I do need to stress that I will not stop being myself.

I know I am a large bag of nuts to hold, but regardless of my demeanor, I can only hope that people can treat me with the same courtesy and respect as I do them.

That includes telling a me their boundaries or limitations to their comfort zones.

Taking one in the rear multiple times (I.E. listening to me when one no longer wishes to) because you don’t have an adequate set to step up and speak your mind is frustrating as all get out.

You don’t need to have male genitalia to have ‘a set’  this applies to you too ladies.

Do not take this as a personal attack, as I am not writing specifically about attacking any one person at all.

But I’m sure as shit there is someone who will read this and say, 

“Why would I want to create confrontation with someone who drives me nuts? She’ll just go ape on me…”

Negative Ghost Rider.

On the contrary, I implore you to speak with me. 

There’s a difference between being intimidating because your a fucking douche and feeling intimidated by someone who is prohibitively confident and carries themselves well.

I understand I sound extremely narcissistic, but if you’ve read anything in this blog about me, you’ll see that I am undoubtedly so.

I want to be happy. Just as I want anyone else to lead a happy life.

I’ve got enough shit battling inside my own head that I don’t have time to fear judgement.

I am pretty sure after beginning my website that I had 100% thrown that out the door in the first place. #perspective

Always speak the truth. Even if you can’t do it in a composed manner.

I would rather have someone hand my ass to me on a silver platter for pissing them off, than to have them sit idly by each time they encounter me and as a result, manifests a “nails on chalkboard” environment.

I’m going to have a kick ass day.

What are you choosing to do? 

Stay Classy.

Making Love Is Bullshit. Sex Is Just SEX.

Now that I have your attention, I would like to elaborate on why I titled this blog post specifically that way.


I love sex.

I live for sex.

It is by no means a shameful thing for a woman (nor a man) to have confidence sexually and openly speak of it.

But what is SEX?

Sexual Intercourse, or Sexual Acts, are actions performed with another person for sexual pleasure. {Source via and}

Hmmmm, sounds like a good time to me.

So why has the world deemed sex to be such a private act which requires love, devotion, and emotional connection? Why is it that Americans especially, demand to be in a monogamus life which constricts their abilities to be open to others?

Hence, the term Love Making.

Now I wish to elaborate on WHY I think this is bullshit. Having one partner in a marriage or committment emotionally is a great thing to strive for in life.

Let me be clear, I have nothing against those who choose to be monogamus. My husband and I believe that together.

But when you go to the core of sex, what really are we doing it for?

Reproduction and Pleasure.

The act of mating or essence of physical pleasure.

Reference to The Bloodhound Gangs song ‘The Bad Touch’.

ItsĀ  has downright dirty and appaling lyrics..

But I can bet your ass that you’ve pondered having dirty mindless sex (if you don’t do it already) at least once in your life.

There is NOTHING wrong with that.

Masturbation is a release.

Why does one masturbate? There is no massive explanation, or reasons to shame another for doing so… its simple dude.

It FEELS good.

Endorphines are released during sexual pleasure.

Someone like myself, who battles a rather intense mental illness, relies on sexual release, be it with another person, or at the assitance of my own hands.

Sex releases frustration. Emotions which are suppressed on a daily basis from ourselves, our loved ones, friends, and to blend in with society.

If you can pause for just a moment and reflect on your life, I am certain you know at least ONE person who lives a double life.

Whether you’re a six figure well polished person who gambles at night without their wife or husband knowing, or if you’re an average 9-5 joe who lives like a high roller on the weekends just because….

We as people unfortunately CHOOSE to live double lives because we are afraid that people will not accept us for who we truly want to be.

I do not judge anyone for that type of life….

You know why?

Because I’ve lived a secret double life all these years on this planet thus far.

Up until just last month.

Matthew and I have shown the world who I truly am, all personalities and qualities, GOOD or BAD.

I made the plunge to show family and friends.

Many we’ve lost or they’ve gone rogue.

I do not blame them.

I am by no means an easy plate to carry.

But after the initial shock of rejection, Matthew and I felt an essence of freedom which has never been experienced.

Freedom from oneself.

I understand the main meat to this blog is why sex is just sex and not ”Love Making.”

I say that because if we pour emotion into an act that is stritcly for reproduction and pleasure purposes, then WHY or HOW could it possibly be pleasurable if we kill it by expecting the partner to handle our emotional loads along with theirs…


Stay Classy. And GET SOME