Today was the first day Keira screamed it out of despair in her room.
I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breathe. My worst fear came true.
Matthew went to console her. She asked him straight to his face.
“But why me Dad?”
As I sat in the other room cuddling Guy Danger I listened to their conversation.
Matthew has now become a hero in her eyes saving her from the hallucination that debilitates her capabilities to function properly.
I am proud of him.
Even now as I write this, he sits next to her validating her emotions.
Not a standard validation; but this child was promised her hallucination would go away with medications.
It has been 2 months since she started anti-psychotics.
Keira is angry with the Doctor. Angry with Matt and I. But most of all,
Furious at the world.
It is the ultimate question people use. Not just with Mental Illness,
But a loss of a loved one,
Financial loss such as foreclosure.
A best friend passing.
Those are just a few examples.
To hear Keira finally mutter that simple phrase (which I have been dreading to hear) was nothing short of a stab to a Mothers heart.
He answered her.
Because you’re special.
We always tell her she was meant to change the world some day.
Keeping her hope alive that she may some day be the only voice within her own mind can be a heavy task daily.
But it is something Matthew and I do with extreme strength and pride.
She is one of a kind.
A bipolar who hallucinates.
But as always I tell Keira to say,
“I am not my illness…”