Today im going to talk about suicide. I am not suicidal but lately I can see the beauty in it, as a man i like adventure and in my opinion death is the only true adventure. The life I live is often misconstrued as nobel,selfless,heroic or some other bullshit adjective. Im here to tell you it’s not. My beautiful wife is a borderline we have a 8 year old daughter Keira who is a bipolar that hallucinates, and Guy Danger our boy that just turned 1 and he lives up to his name. Now you all have heard me talk about living with Ashleys borderline, but what i haven’t talked about much is Keira. A couple months ago she went inpatient because she was having behavior and emotional outbursts that we could no longer control this was the longest 40 days of my life. Now for the first time after 4 years of different doctors and countless tests we have a diagnosis bipolar NOS with emotion driven hallucinations. Hang in there I promise I’m getting to my point. With all this stuff going on Ashley has put her own mental health on the back burner, as a result has been increasingly difficult to be around keira is now home, Brendina the hallucination dose not like me. This causes keira to be defiant at most times no matter what i ask of her. As for Guy he is 1 and his middle name is Danger you can figure that out for yourselves. I’m trying not to make this just a big whining rant because it’s not. I am lucky enough to have a good job we own our house and i wish it was a option but Ashley has to be home to take care of Keira. Ok I have barely touched on the stresses, hardships and arguments that make my life (insert bullshit adjective here) but i can tell you its sucks like I said im not suicidal but I have thought about it. My job is dangerous it would be easy to make it look like a accident, with all the life insurance and accidental death policy’s I have Ashley and the kids would be set for life. Or maybe i could be that guy that goes out for bread and milk and just never comes home I understand it now. When you break my life down into pieces it looks like a shity existence, but the one thing no words can explain is the want and pure determination I have to hold my wifes hand and watch our kids show the world what greatness really is. I will be here for that no matter what miserys i have to go through.
I love you family you are worth it