I am a woman suffering from BPD…
I am also the mother of an extremely mentally ill child.
Keira’s psychotic breaks are severe and can be extremely aggressive upwards of 3-6x a day ranging from small defiance to suicidal ideations/threats of harm to Matt and I.
It is bizarre to say we are “used” to them, but they are threats used on a daily basis when her mind is gone.
I don’t share the details of the horrors of Keira’s mental illness; as it is MY coping mechanism to staying strong.
Yes, Keira’s hallucinations are more on my plate as a Stay at Home Mother.
I’ve always been a shitty Susie Homemaker.
But now I have no choice but to be Wonder Woman to get it all done in one day and prove to myself,
To The World ,
that her illness will not stop me or this family from living life.
Ive allowed myself to forget to fold laundry or clean the bathroom because I ride on the excuse that I had a rough day with breaks with Keira.
I’ve come to the realization that these excuses are not valid by any means…
Because this is OUR LIFE.
I have no career.
Keira and Guy Danger are my life.
I no longer have an option.
So feeling sorry for myself because she’s had massive psychotic breaks will leave me cold and crumpled in a fetal position on the floor unable to care for the children.
As much as I wish that were my fate some days I have to pep talk with myself. I say,
Suck it up buttercup…
Life is a bitch sometimes.
But you can either lie down and take her beatings, or rise up and become stronger than you’ve ever been before.
It may always seem like two steps forward and four steps back…
But if you think about any obstacles and challenges in life that are presented to you, you’re always moving forward regardless.
Never stop walking forward no matter how many times you stumble.
Find the beast within.
I’m seeking to bed the Lioness and transform into the Lion. 👊🏻